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510: "Something Old, Something New"

By Juliana Tang · June 2, 2009 · 0 Comments ·

The Hills finale was literally "out with the old" (Lauren Conrad) and "in with the new" (Kristin Cavallari). Let's recap the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad and trivial.

The good

  • Mother Darlene gives Spencer her blessing and wants to believe the new and improved Spencer is here to stay .
  • Kelly Cutrone gives Lauren the best advice: "Just follow with your intuition, be smart and be brave and tell the truth and don't take s**t." Kelly reassures Lauren that the best times of her life have been when she has nothing to do and no plans at all. So "flaneur" peoples, flaneur!
  • Steph gives a touching toast at the rehearsal dinner: "I dont get to say this enough to you but I really love you Spencer. You've always been a protective brother to me and I know that he's going to protect you and take care of you forever and he loves you more than anything in this world. I'm so happy that you found her. Congratulations."
  • Steph stepping up to the plate and taking on maid of honour duties without recognition. "I clean up the messes."
  • Lauren shows up to Speidi's wedding just for Heidi and they have a moment:

Heidi: You're here.
Lauren: I'm supposed to be.

The bad

  • Heidi wants "the most extravagant wedding ever", flowers galore, real swans and a "princess cake" consisting of white chocolate mousse truffle vanilla with berries in it. It's no wonder why Stephanie looks confused.


  • Heidi chooses (well not really a choice) Holly over Steph as maid of honour "just because she's been, you know, my sister my whole life." Steph is not happy.
  • Brody is not convinced that Spencer is more than just cold stoned with no heart. "You are, but you just pretend that you aren't."
  • Heidi's weird lingo. She gasps "honeymoonalicious" after receiving a bikini with "Just Married" on it. She reassures Holly that "I would never un-maid of honour you" after Holly's drunken episode at the rehearsal dinner.
  • Charlie brings Stacie the Bartender as a "surprised guest" to Speidi's wedding. Spencer rightly warns: "If you're really bringing Stacie keep her a good 40 feet away from Heidi." When Stacie walks into the church at the wedding, Frankie immediately notices. "See I like that look. The Latin look."
  • OK Heidi we get it, you're a swan princess!
  • Heidi is dripping with bling. Stephanie says, "You actually accessorised a wedding dress." While Lauren was more supportive. "You're bedazzled... It's perfect."

The ugly

"You match"

  • Holly makes a drunken and incoherent toast at rehearsal dinner about sticks and berries, almost spits gum into her mother's hand, high fives a waiter, throws food across the table and stains Heidi's expensive purse. To top it off, she storms off while having an emotional breakdown when Spencer tells Holly she's rude. Oh man, she has a whiny and annoying voice. Check out her slurry and teary outburst:

  • Kristin Cavallari walking into the church (minus the bra) and plotting herself next to Justin Bobby, who was looking scruffy as usual.
  • Lauren running out from bride's room to sit next to Lo and finding out Kristin is here and they are wearing matching blue dresses.
  • Kristin exiting the church and immediately gets on Audrina's nerves by declaring that she needs a man and thinks Justin Bobby is a "standup guy". This definitely set the scene for a Krisdrina feud for the new episodes to come. We already know they don't like each other and almost got into a fight.

Love triangle?

The sad

MTV wasted no time tying up loose ends for Lauren's Hills exit and paving the way for Kristin's arrival.

  • Pack up and move out of massive house pondering "What's next?". Check.
  • Quit People's Revolution to "walk around aimlessly without a plan". Check.
  • Have one last house party so that Brody can apologise for being a Steph-hater and so Lauren can change her mind about not going to the Speidi wedding. "No, I'll be at the next one". Touche. Check. [Did you notice that Jen Bunny was at the party?]
  • Make a pre-wedding visit to "Heids" to tell her that "I'm happy for you" and the reason for coming is because Heidi was a best friend ("was" being the operative word). Check.
  • After the ceremony ends duck out back into a limo (as you do) leaving the rest of the Hills gang to get acquainted with newcomer, Kristin Cavallari. Check.

The trivial
Spencer and Heidi got married. "Third time's a charm."

Stacie Hall the Bartender staying in "The Hills"

By Juliana Tang · June 1, 2009 · 0 Comments ·

Photo from MTV.com.ca

Stacie Hall the Bartender is going nowhere. It has been recently revealed that she is currently dating Frankie Delgado, the person who gets the least Hills airtime.

Stacie's random appearances with the Hills crew now make sense. Her dating Frankie explains why she was seen getting chummy with Hills new resident bitch Kristin Cavallari at Frankie's birthday bash. Stacie also attended an Oakely event with other C-List Hills members, Holly Montag and Frankie Delgado.

"The Hills" Gossip Roundup!

By Juliana Tang · May 31, 2009 · 0 Comments ·


507: "Keep Your Enemies Closer"

By Juliana Tang · May 12, 2009 · 0 Comments ·

Things finally over between Audrina and JB? What did Stacie want by texting Heidi? OK I'm not even going to try with this one. Steph got fired, sacked, dismissed, axed, ejected, released. Can I be any more clear?

Blankety blanks. I'm listening... I promise

LC's and Stephanie's work relationship is over before you know it. Stephanie thinks wearing heels will appease Kelly because "I'm just, like, scared of Kelly. I feel like she wants everything, like, professional." (Um der!)  Stephanie's pea for a brain can't cope with two things at once: "I need to take a break from stressing about work and go on a manhunt".  Lauren smirks before asking "You need to take a break from stressing on work?" Why not say, "Steph, do you even work?" Stephanie stares blankly into space as Lauren reminds her that Kelly is running a company and she doesn't want people below her (like Steph) to f**k up and that Steph's "boy hunt" shouldn't interfere with work time. Stephanie, obviously not listening, has only one thing on her mind, "Robert, Roberto, Bert", a DJ who's "really cute" that she can't even remember what he looks like. "I'm trying to picture the guy right now."

Steph reminding herself what should be her focus: "Work! Work! Work! Work! Work!"

At People's Rev, LC is preparing for a big shoot at Smashbox for their new product line and will be working with Lo for the first time, given Lo is working for Davis Factor. Steph is "helping" but when asked what she is doing she whimpers,"Oh, I got silver pen on me."

LC got more blank looks from Steph when trying to tell Steph to pack the neutral pieces in the bags for the Smashbox shoot and to have those items entered in a document. Steph only found expression in her face again when her phone rings "No Diggity". She laughs, "I forgot that was my ring." It's Robert. LC has to go trying to remind Steph about the clothes, but Steph is too busy trying to impress Robert, "We're just getting ready for, um, fashion shows. You have to give me some credit, I do work!"

At the Smashbox shoot, LC discovers with Lo that the clothes they needed for the shoot aren't packed. Lauren rings Steph asking her about the missing clothes but Steph is conveniently on her lunch break with Robert. "Are you serious?" Steph offers to send someone over (instead of herself) but Lauren is fed up and hangs up on Steph. LC ends up sending a messenger to pick up the clothes. "Good job Steph! Good job!"

Kelly Cutrone comes in the next day and is not happy. Kelly wants Steph gone by the end of the week but Lauren has to fire her. Kelly suggests to do it like a guillotine - quick. When Lauren returns from her meeting with Kelly, Steph is clueless what's in store for her. "Do you think Davis talked to her? Maybe she hasn't heard yet."

Meanwhile, Heidi has so much to do before the Sidekick event. "I gotta get my nails done, they're chipping. I gotta get a new outfit." Doesn't anyone do any real work around here? Heidi tells her co-worker Elodie that Stacie the bartender texted her to meet up for a talk at "The Dime". Heidi wants Stacie out of her life but then why does Stacie have Heidi's number? Elodie advises Heidi that she should meet up with Stacie to "keep your enemies closer" and to tell her to stop meddling in Heidi's business.

In Heidi/Stacie showdown #2, Stacie starts off quite sincere saying she felt bad about showdown #1 and that it's not worth fighting over a guy that she doesn't even want to date. Heidi is still mad at the fact that Stacie texted Spencer but Stacie doesn't believe it's all on her. She's not the one checking up on her boyfriend and tells Heidi that she should trust Spencer. Stacie does have a point there. This didn't stop Heidi from attacking Stacie and the showdown ended like this:

Heidi: Well I think you're a home wrecker. I think that you're rude. I think you're a slut.

Stacie: OK. I tell you right now. You're crazy. I feel bad for you. Your boyfriends a ** and good luck.

JB heard about Audrina's shenanigans in Hawaii and is pissed off. Audrina has been avoiding all of Justin's calls and texts. She eventually caves in and arranges to meet with him. When they meet, Audrina launches straight into the power break up and leaves. Audrina doesn't let Justin get a word in. Justin follows Audrina out trying to get mad about the Brody incident. They continue arguing until Audrina runs off to her car.  Looks like it's over, but don't hold your breath.

Freaky break up body language

Preview: 507

By Juliana Tang · May 5, 2009 · 0 Comments ·

After the Jaydrina drama, things look shaky between Audrina and Justin Bobby. Steph is stressed at work (?) and needs to take a break to go on a manhunt (??). Well Steph, you can manhunt all you want honey, looks like your days at People's Revolution are numbered. While Heidi continues to stalk Stacie the bartender.

506: "Playmates Bring the Drama"

By Juliana Tang · May 5, 2009 · 0 Comments ·

What do you get when you get two crazy jealous girlfriends, one's a Playboy Playmate and the other wants to be in Playboy, all in the one episode? Double drama, double showdown!

Round 1: Heidi v Stacie - H.Wood

Heidi finds a text message on Spencer's phone from Stacie the bartender asking Spencer if he was coming to H.Wood. Heidi, playing the crazy stalker girlfriend, turns up to H.Wood that night with her girls, Steph and sister Holly, to see if Spencer shows up. Wait a minute. If Heidi admitted later in therapy that she deleted the text and Spencer never got the text, why would Spencer be there?

Anyway, Heidi is peeved that Stacie texted Spencer. "When I talked to her before any of this, I just thought it was a big misunderstanding and now I know she's deliberately trying to do this!" Stephanie digs real deep to find the right words to comfort Heidi. "Deliberately! Malicious... deliberate... skankily".

Stacie and her skank crew arrive and a mere smile and a wave irk Heidi. "There's a million guys out there! Go find one!" Stacie comes over with her girls to say hello but before they could get comfortable, Heidi's claws come out! Heidi accuses Stephanie of having an interest in Spencer because she keeps texting him. Stacie doesn't understand why Heidi is mad at her and doesn't think she did anything wrong because Spencer "is your boyfriend." Ouch! Stacie is basically telling Heidi, "Spencer is your dog and you should have better control of his leash." Stacie didn't stop there.

Heidi: I wish this upon you! I hope one day you know how this feels and how it feels to have a conniving girl come into your life.

Stacie: Honestly how does it feel to have a conniving boyfriend? I'm just saying 'good luck' because when I'm gone there's gonna be another girl... there's always gonna be another Stacie. Good luck with your boyfriend!

What I don't get is, if Heidi hates Stacie's guts then why did she invite Stacie to the Speidi wedding?

Round 2: Jayde v Audrina - Frankie's BBQ

World War 3 has been brewing (probably one-sided from Jayde's end) since last episode. Frankie hosts a BBQ at his and Doug's place and the whole gang, the Brodester triangle included, is invited. Brody (and everyone else) knows how upset Jayde is ("Don't pet me!") because Audrina slept in the same bed as him during the boys' Hawaii trip. When Frankie tries to explain that it wasn't like that - Brody fell asleep and Audrina just left; Audrina didn't really sleep in Brody's bed - Jayde couldn't hold back her cursing tongue. "Frankie do you think I am f**king retarded?? Do you think that I don't know what happened?"

Jayde is fuming at the sight of Audrina blowing a kiss hello to Brody and then watching Brody go over to give Audrina a hug. Jayde's friends take action and grab Audrina off the couch to confront her with the question: "How long have you known that them two have been together?" Audrina immediately defends herself (good girl) asking what she did wrong. Brody then steps in and says that if any conversation was going to happen it should between just Jayde and Audrina.

Audrina and Jayde head to the couch and the "conversation" turns into a one-sided swear fest. Jayde doesn't even look at Audrina when she talks and when Audrina tries to explain that nothing happened, Jayde cuts her off: "Bull f***ing sh*t! When you sleep in my boyfriend's bed, something happened! Do you know what I mean? That's f**ked up!" Check out Lauren's face (right) when this happens - obviously eavesdropping.

Audrina (the poor thing) needed to escape from the she-devil, "Look seriously Jayde, I don't even want to get into this." She gets her chance when Jayde says "Honestly, I don’t even wanna talk to you" and walks off. Audrina not feeling welcomed leaves the party. At this point Jayde should be happy but she then gives Brody crap for hugging Audrina goodbye and checking to see if she was OK.  Jayde whimpers "I don't care! I don't care!" like a spoilt brat and warns Brody elegantly: "I don't give a f**k if she's OK and you shouldn't care f***ng either!"

Round 3: Jayde v Audrina - MyHouse

Audrina and Steph rock up to MyHouse knowing Jayde and Brody would be there. As soon as Audrina walks in, Jayde is immediately not happy. "I'm like, so mad right now." Jayde tries to get Brody make Audrina leave ("I don’t want her here") Brody says he can't because Audrina's a friend. Across the table, Audrina sees Jayde's friend, Jo bitching to Jayde about her and tells Jo to butt out. "It's not between you and I. It's nothing... You have no business with what's going on." Jo tries to come up to Audrina to say something but Frankie (the Buddha) intercepts.

Brody wants this whole situation to end but Jayde tells Brody, in earshot of Audrina, "Her f***ing psycho a** started all of it." Audrina who is fed up by now stands up to Jayde resulting in Jaydrina showdown the sequel.

Audrina: Seriously Jayde. Obviously, you're insecure.

Jayde: It's not that I don't respect that. It's the fact that you didn't respect the fact that you were sleeping in his bed.

Audrina: You keep bringing it up and causing drama.

Jayde: I'm not bringing up anything.

Audrina: I'm over it!

(Jayde waves goodbye)

Audrina: Jayde, you have problems.

When Audrina leaves the table, Jayde tells Brody in an ever so classy way: "I'm going to f***ing punch her in the f***ing face next time I see her." So what was Brody doing the whole time this went down? NOTHING! Absolutely nothing. Oh except looking stressed like this:

Audrina is right, Brody is pussywhipped. He sat back and watched a friend get slammed by his girlfriend and didn't do anything. His only justification is that Jayde has a right to be upset at Audrina. In a conversation later with Lauren, Brody blames Audrina for choosing to sleep in his bed, but believes he has no choice because otherwise it will cause stress on his relationship with Jayde. Lauren disagrees that it was Audrina's fault. She tells Brody that he should have made the call because he is the one in a relationship. At the very least Lauren says Brody should talk to Audrina and say he is sorry. Brody agrees but "his feelings lie with Jayde" right now and he will speak to Audrina "maybe down the line when when it's not so fresh in both of their minds".  Lauren rightly points out that "sometimes we sacrifice friendship for the one we love."

Lauren Conrad and Bartender Stacie at Speidi Wedding

By Juliana Tang · April 26, 2009 · 0 Comments ·

Just hours before the Speidi wedding, news leaked that Lauren Conrad, Spencer hater and Heidi frenemy, would be making a surprise appearance at the Speidi wedding for The Hills season finale. This is despite Lauren appearing on Letterman the night before and joking about how her wedding invite is on eBay.

Indeed many reports have since confirmed that Lauren did show up, but she slipped out the back door early before these pictures were taken.

Among the other guests at the wedding were Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, Perez Hilton, Khloe Kardashian, Michael Bublé and Kristin Cavallari, along with The Hills co-stars Brody Jenner (and girlfriend Jayde Nicole), Frankie Delgado, Audrina Patridge, Lo Bosworth, and Stacie the bartender (what the?). Yes it's true, watch the guests flow out of the church after the ceremony in this video.

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    September 2009