The Hills finale was literally "out with the old" (Lauren Conrad) and "in with the new" (Kristin Cavallari). Let's recap the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad and trivial.

The good

• Mother Darlene gives Spencer her blessing and wants to believe the new and improved Spencer is here to stay .
• Kelly Cutrone gives Lauren the best advice: "Just follow with your intuition, be smart and be brave and tell the truth and don't take s**t." Kelly reassures Lauren that the best times of her life have been when she has nothing to do and no plans at all. So "flaneur" peoples, flaneur!
• Steph gives a touching toast at the rehearsal dinner: "I dont get to say this enough to you but I really love you Spencer. You've always been a protective brother to me and I know that he's going to protect you and take care of you forever and he loves you more than anything in this world. I'm so happy that you found her. Congratulations."
• Steph stepping up to the plate and taking on maid of honour duties without recognition. "I clean up the messes."
• Lauren shows up to Speidi's wedding just for Heidi and they have a moment:

The bad

• Heidi wants "the most extravagant wedding ever", flowers galore, real swans and a "princess cake" consisting of white chocolate mousse truffle vanilla with berries in it. It's no wonder why Stephanie looks confused.

• Heidi chooses (well not really a choice) Holly over Steph as maid of honour "just because she's been, you know, my sister my whole life." Steph is not happy.
• Brody is not convinced that Spencer is more than just cold stoned with no heart. "You are, but you just pretend that you aren't."
• Heidi's weird lingo. She gasps "honeymoonalicious" after receiving a bikini with "Just Married" on it. She reassures Holly that "I would never un-maid of honour you" after Holly's drunken episode at the rehearsal dinner.
• Charlie brings Stacie the Bartender as a "surprised guest" to Speidi's wedding. Spencer rightly warns: "If you're really bringing Stacie keep her a good 40 feet away from Heidi." When Stacie walks into the church at the wedding, Frankie immediately notices. "See I like that look. The Latin look."
• OK Heidi we get it, you're a swan princess!
• Heidi is dripping with bling. Stephanie says, "You actually accessorised a wedding dress." While Lauren was more supportive. "You're bedazzled... It's perfect."

• Holly makes a drunken and incoherent toast at rehearsal dinner about sticks and berries, almost spits gum into her mother's hand, high fives a waiter, throws food across the table and stains Heidi's expensive purse. To top it off, she storms off while having an emotional breakdown when Spencer tells Holly she's rude. Oh man, she has a whiny and annoying voice. Check out her slurry and teary outburst:

• Kristin Cavallari walking into the church (minus the bra) and plotting herself next to Justin Bobby, who was looking scruffy as usual.
• Lauren running out from bride's room to sit next to Lo and finding out Kristin is here and they are wearing matching blue dresses.
• Kristin exiting the church and immediately gets on Audrina's nerves by declaring that she needs a man and thinks Justin Bobby is a "standup guy". This definitely set the scene for a Krisdrina feud for the new episodes to come. We already know they don't like each other and almost got into a fight.

Love triangle?

The sad

MTV wasted no time tying up loose ends for Lauren's Hills exit and paving the way for Kristin's arrival.

• Pack up and move out of massive house pondering "What's next?". Check.
• Quit People's Revolution to "walk around aimlessly without a plan". Check.
• Have one last house party so that Brody can apologise for being a Steph-hater and so Lauren can change her mind about not going to the Speidi wedding. "No, I'll be at the next one". Touche. Check. [Did you notice that Jen Bunny was at the party?]
• Make a pre-wedding visit to "Heids" to tell her that "I'm happy for you" and the reason for coming is because Heidi was a best friend ("was" being the operative word). Check.
• After the ceremony ends duck out back into a limo (as you do) leaving the rest of the Hills gang to get acquainted with newcomer, Kristin Cavallari. Check.

The trivial

Spencer and Heidi got married. "Third time's a charm."

Photo from MTV.com.ca

Stacie Hall the Bartender is going nowhere. It has been recently revealed that she is currently dating Frankie Delgado, the person who gets the least Hills airtime.

Stacie's random appearances with the Hills crew now make sense. Her dating Frankie explains why she was seen getting chummy with Hills new resident bitch Kristin Cavallari at Frankie's birthday bash. Stacie also attended an Oakely event with other C-List Hills members, Holly Montag and Frankie Delgado.

• Audrina Patridge "don't like" Kristin Cavallari. Watch the source of this feud, Ryan Seacrest's interview of Audrina on his KIIS-FM radio show.
  

• Kristin fights back and tells Audrina to grow up.
• Paris Hilton thinks The Hills is "fake and lame". She-Pratt demands an apology from Paris.
• Holly Montag is on Team Kristin and Stacie the Bartender is dating Frankie Delgado?!?!?
• Spencer Pratt is a pothead and pill addict. Sister Pratt defends him.

Things finally over between Audrina and JB? What did Stacie want by texting Heidi? OK I'm not even going to try with this one. Steph got fired, sacked, dismissed, axed, ejected, released. Can I be any more clear?

Blankety blanks. I'm listening... I promise

LC's and Stephanie's work relationship is over before you know it. Stephanie thinks wearing heels will appease Kelly because "I'm just, like, scared of Kelly. I feel like she wants everything, like, professional." (Um der!)  Stephanie's pea for a brain can't cope with two things at once: "I need to take a break from stressing about work and go on a manhunt".  Lauren smirks before asking "You need to take a break from stressing on work?" Why not say, "Steph, do you even work?" Stephanie stares blankly into space as Lauren reminds her that Kelly is running a company and she doesn't want people below her (like Steph) to f**k up and that Steph's "boy hunt" shouldn't interfere with work time. Stephanie, obviously not listening, has only one thing on her mind, "Robert, Roberto, Bert", a DJ who's "really cute" that she can't even remember what he looks like. "I'm trying to picture the guy right now."

Steph reminding herself what should be her focus: "Work! Work! Work! Work! Work!"

At People's Rev, LC is preparing for a big shoot at Smashbox for their new product line and will be working with Lo for the first time, given Lo is working for Davis Factor. Steph is "helping" but when asked what she is doing she whimpers,"Oh, I got silver pen on me."

LC got more blank looks from Steph when trying to tell Steph to pack the neutral pieces in the bags for the Smashbox shoot and to have those items entered in a document. Steph only found expression in her face again when her phone rings "No Diggity". She laughs, "I forgot that was my ring." It's Robert. LC has to go trying to remind Steph about the clothes, but Steph is too busy trying to impress Robert, "We're just getting ready for, um, fashion shows. You have to give me some credit, I do work!"

At the Smashbox shoot, LC discovers with Lo that the clothes they needed for the shoot aren't packed. Lauren rings Steph asking her about the missing clothes but Steph is conveniently on her lunch break with Robert. "Are you serious?" Steph offers to send someone over (instead of herself) but Lauren is fed up and hangs up on Steph. LC ends up sending a messenger to pick up the clothes. "Good job Steph! Good job!"

Kelly Cutrone comes in the next day and is not happy. Kelly wants Steph gone by the end of the week but Lauren has to fire her. Kelly suggests to do it like a guillotine - quick. When Lauren returns from her meeting with Kelly, Steph is clueless what's in store for her. "Do you think Davis talked to her? Maybe she hasn't heard yet."

Meanwhile, Heidi has so much to do before the Sidekick event. "I gotta get my nails done, they're chipping. I gotta get a new outfit." Doesn't anyone do any real work around here? Heidi tells her co-worker Elodie that Stacie the bartender texted her to meet up for a talk at "The Dime". Heidi wants Stacie out of her life but then why does Stacie have Heidi's number? Elodie advises Heidi that she should meet up with Stacie to "keep your enemies closer" and to tell her to stop meddling in Heidi's business.

In Heidi/Stacie showdown #2, Stacie starts off quite sincere saying she felt bad about showdown #1 and that it's not worth fighting over a guy that she doesn't even want to date. Heidi is still mad at the fact that Stacie texted Spencer but Stacie doesn't believe it's all on her. She's not the one checking up on her boyfriend and tells Heidi that she should trust Spencer. Stacie does have a point there. This didn't stop Heidi from attacking Stacie and the showdown ended like this:

Heidi: Well I think you're a home wrecker. I think that you're rude. I think you're a slut.

Stacie: OK. I tell you right now. You're crazy. I feel bad for you. Your boyfriends a ** and good luck.

JB heard about Audrina's shenanigans in Hawaii and is pissed off. Audrina has been avoiding all of Justin's calls and texts. She eventually caves in and arranges to meet with him. When they meet, Audrina launches straight into the power break up and leaves. Audrina doesn't let Justin get a word in. Justin follows Audrina out trying to get mad about the Brody incident. They continue arguing until Audrina runs off to her car.  Looks like it's over, but don't hold your breath.

Freaky break up body language

What do you get when you get two crazy jealous girlfriends, one's a Playboy Playmate and the other wants to be in Playboy, all in the one episode? Double drama, double showdown!

Round 1: Heidi v Stacie - H.Wood

Heidi finds a text message on Spencer's phone from Stacie the bartender asking Spencer if he was coming to H.Wood. Heidi, playing the crazy stalker girlfriend, turns up to H.Wood that night with her girls, Steph and sister Holly, to see if Spencer shows up. Wait a minute. If Heidi admitted later in therapy that she deleted the text and Spencer never got the text, why would Spencer be there?

Anyway, Heidi is peeved that Stacie texted Spencer. "When I talked to her before any of this, I just thought it was a big misunderstanding and now I know she's deliberately trying to do this!" Stephanie digs real deep to find the right words to comfort Heidi. "Deliberately! Malicious... deliberate... skankily".

Stacie and her skank crew arrive and a mere smile and a wave irk Heidi. "There's a million guys out there! Go find one!" Stacie comes over with her girls to say hello but before they could get comfortable, Heidi's claws come out! Heidi accuses Stephanie of having an interest in Spencer because she keeps texting him. Stacie doesn't understand why Heidi is mad at her and doesn't think she did anything wrong because Spencer "is your boyfriend." Ouch! Stacie is basically telling Heidi, "Spencer is your dog and you should have better control of his leash." Stacie didn't stop there.

Heidi: I wish this upon you! I hope one day you know how this feels and how it feels to have a conniving girl come into your life.

Stacie: Honestly how does it feel to have a conniving boyfriend? I'm just saying 'good luck' because when I'm gone there's gonna be another girl... there's always gonna be another Stacie. Good luck with your boyfriend!

What I don't get is, if Heidi hates Stacie's guts then why did she invite Stacie to the Speidi wedding?

Round 2: Jayde v Audrina - Frankie's BBQ

World War 3 has been brewing (probably one-sided from Jayde's end) since last episode. Frankie hosts a BBQ at his and Doug's place and the whole gang, the Brodester triangle included, is invited. Brody (and everyone else) knows how upset Jayde is ("Don't pet me!") because Audrina slept in the same bed as him during the boys' Hawaii trip. When Frankie tries to explain that it wasn't like that - Brody fell asleep and Audrina just left; Audrina didn't really sleep in Brody's bed - Jayde couldn't hold back her cursing tongue. "Frankie do you think I am f**king retarded?? Do you think that I don't know what happened?"

Jayde is fuming at the sight of Audrina blowing a kiss hello to Brody and then watching Brody go over to give Audrina a hug. Jayde's friends take action and grab Audrina off the couch to confront her with the question: "How long have you known that them two have been together?" Audrina immediately defends herself (good girl) asking what she did wrong. Brody then steps in and says that if any conversation was going to happen it should between just Jayde and Audrina.

Audrina and Jayde head to the couch and the "conversation" turns into a one-sided swear fest. Jayde doesn't even look at Audrina when she talks and when Audrina tries to explain that nothing happened, Jayde cuts her off: "Bull f***ing sh*t! When you sleep in my boyfriend's bed, something happened! Do you know what I mean? That's f**ked up!" Check out Lauren's face (right) when this happens - obviously eavesdropping.

Audrina (the poor thing) needed to escape from the she-devil, "Look seriously Jayde, I don't even want to get into this." She gets her chance when Jayde says "Honestly, I don’t even wanna talk to you" and walks off. Audrina not feeling welcomed leaves the party. At this point Jayde should be happy but she then gives Brody crap for hugging Audrina goodbye and checking to see if she was OK.  Jayde whimpers "I don't care! I don't care!" like a spoilt brat and warns Brody elegantly: "I don't give a f**k if she's OK and you shouldn't care f***ng either!"

Round 3: Jayde v Audrina - MyHouse

Audrina and Steph rock up to MyHouse knowing Jayde and Brody would be there. As soon as Audrina walks in, Jayde is immediately not happy. "I'm like, so mad right now." Jayde tries to get Brody make Audrina leave ("I don’t want her here") Brody says he can't because Audrina's a friend. Across the table, Audrina sees Jayde's friend, Jo bitching to Jayde about her and tells Jo to butt out. "It's not between you and I. It's nothing... You have no business with what's going on." Jo tries to come up to Audrina to say something but Frankie (the Buddha) intercepts.

Brody wants this whole situation to end but Jayde tells Brody, in earshot of Audrina, "Her f***ing psycho a** started all of it." Audrina who is fed up by now stands up to Jayde resulting in Jaydrina showdown the sequel.

Audrina: Seriously Jayde. Obviously, you're insecure.

Jayde: It's not that I don't respect that. It's the fact that you didn't respect the fact that you were sleeping in his bed.

Audrina: You keep bringing it up and causing drama.

Jayde: I'm not bringing up anything.

Audrina: I'm over it!

(Jayde waves goodbye)

Audrina: Jayde, you have problems.

When Audrina leaves the table, Jayde tells Brody in an ever so classy way: "I'm going to f***ing punch her in the f***ing face next time I see her." So what was Brody doing the whole time this went down? NOTHING! Absolutely nothing. Oh except looking stressed like this:

Audrina is right, Brody is pussywhipped. He sat back and watched a friend get slammed by his girlfriend and didn't do anything. His only justification is that Jayde has a right to be upset at Audrina. In a conversation later with Lauren, Brody blames Audrina for choosing to sleep in his bed, but believes he has no choice because otherwise it will cause stress on his relationship with Jayde. Lauren disagrees that it was Audrina's fault. She tells Brody that he should have made the call because he is the one in a relationship. At the very least Lauren says Brody should talk to Audrina and say he is sorry. Brody agrees but "his feelings lie with Jayde" right now and he will speak to Audrina "maybe down the line when when it's not so fresh in both of their minds".  Lauren rightly points out that "sometimes we sacrifice friendship for the one we love."

Just hours before the Speidi wedding, news leaked that Lauren Conrad, Spencer hater and Heidi frenemy, would be making a surprise appearance at the Speidi wedding for The Hills season finale. This is despite Lauren appearing on Letterman the night before and joking about how her wedding invite is on eBay.

Indeed many reports have since confirmed that Lauren did show up, but she slipped out the back door early before these pictures were taken.

Among the other guests at the wedding were Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, Perez Hilton, Khloe Kardashian, Michael Bublé and Kristin Cavallari, along with The Hills co-stars Brody Jenner (and girlfriend Jayde Nicole), Frankie Delgado, Audrina Patridge, Lo Bosworth, and Stacie the bartender (what the?). Yes it's true, watch the guests flow out of the church after the ceremony in this video.

The episode opens with a Pratt sibling showdown. Stephanie wins hands down giving Spencer a run for his money. Spencer tells Stephanie off for taking Heidi to LC's birthday party, busting him for flirting with the bartender and believing a text from her ex, Cameron. Spencer plays the loyalty card again and says to Stephanie, "I'm not calling you a sister anymore!" Stephanie rightly puts that "this loyalty thing is so old" and fights back saying "I'm gonna stop calling you a good guy to Heidi. Cos you know what? You kinda suck." She reminds Spencer that he is a loser with no friends because of his obsession with loyalty and without Heidi he will lead a "nice single lonely life." (OK he was already a loser to begin with). Finally! Stephanie develops a brain and a backbone by standing up to her mean brother. Way to go Steph!

Heidi goes to see bartender Stacie to find out what really went down the other night. Stacie says she did not know that Spencer had a girlfriend and that if he was her man and acted that way – lying, flirting with other girls and looking stupid in front of your friends – she would be worried. Heidi’s mouth dropped in shock horror when Stacie reveals that Spencer asked her, “What can I do to make you dance on the bar right now?”

When Heidi confronts Spencer about his flirty behaviour with Stacie, Spencer turns the whole thing on Heidi and blames her for believing a stranger instead of him. He suddenly develops amnesia when Heidi asks about his “dance on the bar” comment to Stacie. He’s unbelievable! Heidi can’t deal with Spencer anymore and does what she does best – run home to Colorado.

At Colorado, Mommy dearest laps up every chance to knock Spencer down with her attempts to set Heidi up with “good strong Christian boy” and ex-boyfriend, Colby. It must be a “God thing” that Colby happens to bump into the Montag family while they are having dinner. Darlene is gaga over Colby gushing how Colby was the “stud” of his high school and that he was the only person she let Heidi in the car with because she trusted him.

Darlene beaming from ear to ear hoping for Colby to take her Heidi

While Heidi is away, Spencer calls Brody out for advice. Out of all people, Spencer turns to Brody Jenner?

It's true when people say “desperate time calls for desperate measures”. Although I worry about the advice Brody gives to Spencer:

Brody: “Go out to the clubs a little bit. Go hang out. Go spread your wings. ... Go with your guy friends. Go and talk to some chicks. She just straight up and left you. You’re allowed to talk to anyone you want right now as far as I’m concerned. That would be my advice.”

Anyway, Spencer stupidly follows Brody’s advice and is at Stacie’s bar again doing more tequila shots. Talk about adding fuel to the fire. But the flirting may not be all one-sided. Heidi is conveniently out of the picture after Stacie dobs on Spencer for flirting with her. When Spencer at the bar again, Stacie tells Spencer that she thinks Heidi was kinda “nuts”, toasts to “no crazy girlfriends” then asks Spencer whether there will be a next time for more tequila problem solving. And did you notice all the make up Stacie caked on? She was definitely out to impress, but for Spencer? That’s just sad.

No more boat parties for Lauren

Aside from Speidi drama, Lauren tells her friends what she really thought about Heidi crashing her surprise birthday party. She basically tells Audrina and Lo not to put her "on a damn boat" so she could her cry on her birthday and not reminisce about the old days with Heidi.

She tells Stephanie it was really inappropriate for Heidi to be at her birthday and that Stephanie should have stopped Heidi from coming, even if Heidi did invite herself.

Lauren: “Stephanie you have to stop, you have to stop, pushing it on me, I’m not kidding! It’s not fair to me. Let it go. It’s not fair to force someone on someone else.”

Stephanie secretly likes to cause drama, doesn't she?

The cool kids are in Hawaii soaking up some sun, surf, and sand, while Heidi and Spencer spend the weekend with (yawn) the Bible. But the question that remains on everyone’s lips is: did Audrina hook up with Brody? With MTV’s clever editing skills, I mean, all the nuances in this episode, it's hard to tell. So let's try and read between the lines.

Audrina, Lauren, Lo and Stephanie crash Brody’s Hawaiian boys’ trip and Brody couldn’t contain his excitement. Well… not until the alcohol came out. “Oh, they wanna do shots? Oh I love ‘em then!” All is forgiven.

By the beach, Audrina still has Justin on her mind while checking out Brody. Audrina questions what she has with Justin. “It’s like a hate and love relationship. That’s not even a relationship, I don’t know what it is.” Then she tells Stephanie she’s not waiting for Justin anymore, because she’s “over it”. Earth to Audrina, you need to get over Justin and hook up with someone else! Preferably Brody, MTV says.

It’s sunset by the hot tub and Brody is eyeing Audrina up and down in her revealing one-piece bathing suit. Brody admits it’s “one of the sexiest one-pieces” he’s ever seen and Sleazy T agrees. (C’mon seriously, is that his name?). There nothing here MTV, just some harmless chatter among friends about Audrina’s sexy bathing suit.

Later in the hot tub, Audrina smiles and looks pretty while Stephanie and Brody break down her relationship status. Yes, Audrina is single and will hook up with anyone who is better than Justin (that's means every other guy). Again, preferably Brody MTV says.

Back at the resort, the girls are getting ready for dinner with the boys and Stephanie, always the drama-instigator, is egging on Audrina to hook up with Brody. “Maybe you should do it [hook up with Brody] to get Justin back, he would get so jealous!” (OK Steph how much did MTV pay you?) Audrina admitted that there’s always been “some kind attraction” with Brody but she “never went there” or would “never go there”… “ever”. One more time for the dummies (that includes you MTV), Audrina never ever ever ever ever ever wanna hook up with Brody.

At dinner, Audrina (looking very trashy by the way) drunkenly admits (the moment MTV has been waiting for),“I’m not gonna lie. I’ve always had a little crush [on Brody].” Brody didn't know where to look or what to say, or maybe he was just drunk.

Audrina's looking less than glamorous after her 'crush on Brody' confession

As more alcohol is being consumed, Brody shows much self-control by refusing to “pluck” temptress Audrina’s “red apple” that was hanging in front his face (hey not my words, Brody’s friend, Nick). Despite admitting that Audrina’s “hot”, Brody insists that he is only attracted to his girlfriend and he and Audrina are just friends.

At the end of the night, Audrina conveniently ends up sleeping in Brody’s room, after Brody tells Audrina that he respects her as a friend but: “If we decided, one night, with nobody around, late night ... feelings are feelings." Then MTV queues song: “Where are you gonna sleep tonight?”

Brilliant speculation MTV. Even Lo fell for it the next morning. “Audrina stayed with the Brodester. I don’t know if they hooked up or not, and I don’t want to speculate.” So who do they wake up to find out? Stephanie the genius!!! Since when does Stephanie know all the answers?

Meanwhile the boys get a kick out of Brody’s night with Audrina. “I messed up. I cheated on my girlfriend”. Brody immediately dismisses the idea of telling his girlfriend Jayde, but wait aren't you on a reality TV show?  Frankie says he wouldn’t doubt that Audrina is telling the other girls that something happened because “girls are evil”.

At the girls' end, not much was said when Audrina was asked where she slept last night. "At Brody's. In the room". Audrina smiles and shrugs her shoulders when Stephanie stupidly says, "But there's only one bed." Note to MTV: Audrina slept in Brody's room and not with Brody. Obviously there will be some unhappy campers on next week's episode, like ah Jayde. Lo thinks it will be like World War III and Steph thinks Jayde might come after Audrina. Audrina replies, "Well let her come after me, like, start a war, like whatever."

Proof that the girls don't always look polished. Hairbrush anyone?

Back in LA, Speidi are trying to make things work after their disastrous couples therapy session last week. Heidi takes Spencer to the self-help section of a bookshop where she suggests they read “Boundaries” and “The Soul of Truth”. Spencer resists his first instinct to grab the nearest Playboy book. “I’m growing here.” Spencer is thrilled that he gets to hang out with Bible college folks, when Heidi tells him her ex-boyfriend Colby is in town. Understanding that Colby and Spencer are polar opposites, Heidi insists, “I think it might be good for you to see a nice normal guy.”

At dinner, Speidi hit it off right of the bat with Colby and his girlfriend Ashley. Colby describes how it is a different world “out here” in LA, while Ashley couldn’t get over how different Heidi looks compared to her old photos. “You look soo different, yah you don’t even look like the same person.” Hehehehe. Hilarious!! Of course Heidi looks different. In L.A. money can buy you bigger boobs and a smaller nose! Awkward, Heidi asks if they want cocktails and Spencer eagerly jumps in to suggest Patrón Platinum (Ah, didn’t Patrón shots with Stacie the bartender get you into trouble with Heidi in the first place?). But the good Christian kids only order water. Colby “never had a sip” and Ashlely thinks that “nothing good comes from it” (Ouch! Strike two).

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Not only is Spencer shocked that they don’t drink, but because Colby and Ashley are in fact staying in 2 separate rooms at the same hotel. No sex before marriage is a foreign concept for someone who has had a subscription to Playboy since he was 14 years old. It’s no wonder Heidi called Spencer “Hugh Hefner Junior”. Is this why Heidi wants to pose for Playboy? Then Spencer invites Colby to go boxing with him the next day. “I know you got some aggression to get out”. Cheeky bastard.

At boxing, Spencer is still obsessed over the idea that Colby is a virgin and that there are probably a lot of other “aliens” like Colby “out there”. Spencer challenges Colby to find the verse and quote in the Bible that says you cannot have sex until marriage. Colby invites Spencer to bible study later that night to discuss it.

A typical night at Speidi’s apartment – Bible study with Colby and Ashley! Colby finds the “no sex before marriage quote” in the Bible for Spencer. Ashley with her scholar hat on says in the Bible it is referred to as “fornification”, which Colby quickly corrects, “fornication”. The poor gal has never had sex, she wouldn’t even recognise it if it hit her in the face. This is how the Bible study went down.

Colby: Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure.

Spencer: Here’s where I interpret that. Your sheets must be clean, pillowcases, clean. But I don’t see anywhere in there does it says ‘Don’t have sex before you are officially man and wife’.

Colby: So there’s a verse in Matthew that talks about forgiveness, which is something that is hard for everyone to do.

[Spencer tapping away on his Blackberry. Heidi coughs]

Spencer [grabs the Bible]: Ah, here we go.

Ashley: Just think how nice life would be if like everyone just loved each other (laughs), listened, you know.

(Ouch again! Strike three Spencer, you’re out!)

Spencer: So ah an imaginary world.

As Speidi reflect on their weekend with Colby and Ashley, Heidi finds out that Spencer has not learned a thing from Colby’s good values. Her wish is that Spencer tries to be nicer to people, that he maybe get along with her mom or get along better with her sister (fat chance!). Heidi’s efforts to get Spencer to be more like Colby are thwarted by Spencer’s dissin’ attitude. “Well the new me has got a whole bunch of Colby traits, you know. It’s too late. I like that whole little ‘leave it to beaver’ vibe.”

Until next time… Stacie the bartender will make an appearance (just like at Speidi’s wedding) in next week’s episode causing more drama.

Heidi: Why all of sudden do you have such an interest in my boyfriend?

Stacie: When I’m gone, there’s gonna be another girl. There’s always gonna be another Stacie.

7. "Trouble Is A Friend" by Lenka

Steph's "ineptitude" cost her the internship at People's Revolution. At end of episode 507 "Keep Your Enemies Closer", Lauren learns that she has fire Stephanie, but She-Pratt is still completely clueless on what's to come.

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6. Spencer and Charlie in the car - "Got It On (MTV The Hills Mix)" by G Block (AKA Greg Lawson)

In episode 503 "I'm Done With You", Spencer and Charlie are try hard wanna be homies while listening to this song in the car on the way to meet Stacie the bartender.

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5. "It's Me Bitches" by Swizz Beatz

In episode 506 "Playmates Bring the Drama", Heidi waits patiently at H.Wood ready for a showdown with Stacie. In walks Stacie (with her skanky hoe posse) who sits down then waves to Heidi to this song.

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4. Where are you gonna sleep tonight? - "This Is Life" by Amy MacDonald

Audrina is sitting on Brody's bed after admitting to having a little crush on Brody in Hawaii (episode 505 "I Always Had a Little Crush").

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3. World War III - "Goodbye" by Kristinia DeBarge

At the end of episode 505 "I Always Had a Little Crush", Audrina confesses to sleeping in the same bed as Brody (remember MTV not sleeping with Brody) and doesn't care what Brodester's girlfriend Jayde has to think, "Let her come after me, like, start a war, like whatever."

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2. Spencer's apology to Lauren - "Save You" by Kelly Clarkson

What a earth shattering moment. Spencer apologises to Lauren for spreading rumours about there being a sex tape of LC and ex-boyfriend/douche, Jason Wahler.  However Spencer comes to his senses and takes it all back (episode 509 "Hi Lauren, it's Spencer").

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1. Lauren Says Goodbye to "The Hills" (and Speidi gets married) - "New Day" by Tamar

As everything leaves the church of Speidi's wedding, Lauren "LC" Conrad exits "The Hills" forever as she jumps into a limo (episode 510 "Something Old, Something New").

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